:+: I Would Die 4 U :+: (krazykbear) wrote,
:+: I Would Die 4 U :+:

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I know you have been busy and Im glad you get to spend time with your family, I mean i relate so much to that, more than you know. And when I talk to you its very short and online, and I guess it just made me feel like you didnt want me around right now.
Sometimes I just think about you and I miss hearing from you or getting a text saying hi. And I know if you felt any different you would tell me, but Im only human randy... I need reassurance too... like you it reminds me of something that happened in my past. homeboy just straight up stopped talking to me and it hurt so bad. I have my moments of weakness... I cant help that. But I have come to love you more than I have ever cared about someone in the past. I will wait for you for as long as I have to because I want you... only you... and I know it seems silly but please put yourself in my shoes and understand that I get doubts too...
i was trying to put up a wall and expecting the worst. and i shouldnt do that and I am working on it. Basically Im scared. and i know you know that. please dont get angry, please be understanding that my scares are slowly going away but i need help. I have let you in completely and that makes me feel vulnerable. Its not like we have known each other for years... im still getting to know you

and I want to be with you so im working on my flaws and im hoping that you will understand that and give me the time i need. ever since that one night i feel like you not coming here could be my fault and i cant change that feeling no matter how much i convince myself otherwise. I get scared to talk to you about my feelings because I dont want you to get angry with me so i bottle it up and pretend im strong. and it works most of the time. Everyone in my past has made me so insecure and i hate that. but you are slowly changing all that and that makes me even more cautious, if that makes sense and im hoping that explaining this to you will help things because i love you...
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